07 September 2008

Review of College (2008)

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• Fans of Andrew Caldwell and Ryan Pinkston—who'd want to miss these two "break out" performances after all--and who don't comprehend sarcasm and who actually have heard of Andrew Caldwell and/or Ryan Pinkston
• Anyone who's ever wondered how low Gary Owen will stoop for a paycheck—to give you an idea, it's so low he could crawl under the low hanging endowment of Van Wilder's pooch
• Frat boys who dreamed up frat house pranks and thought they had no consequences
• Producers who've been given the line, "It's going to be like the next Superbad, only badder!"
• People who didn't get enough of pig stampedes in their State Fairs this summer and fall
• Anyone who fantasizes of taking body shots at a frat party
• People who cannot read this section
 
 
 

• Diners who just ate a decent-sized meal seeking relaxing digestion conditions
• People who haven't already sold their soul the devil
• Anyone who's IQ could be injured by a film less entertaining than the OSHA mandated blood born pathogen video which is required viewing of anyone with a job he or she might have to come in contact with the bodily fluids of other people
• Fans of "American Idol" Kevin Covais (aka Chicken Little) who don't want their crispy, clean image of him permanently stained
• College kids—um, this movie is Rated-R, but it's the kind of movie only a high school kid could like, and then only because he heard at school from a kid who lied and said he sneaked in and saw it but who was actually too chicken to sneak in and ruin his chances of being elected captain of the debate team, that it was the "best movie ever, dude, it rocked my world"—famous last words
• Relatives of members of the cast
 
 

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