10 October 2008

Review of Quarantine (2008)

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• Fans of scary movies that don't have much of a point
• People who do not get motion sickness
• Those who like the group scare experience of seeing a scary movie with a giant willing audience—especially when there are some parts of this film that score big laughs—though that may not have been the intention of the director
• Fans of hearing Jennifer Carpenter panic and scream for about 30 straight minutes
• Fans of Steve Harris—didn't this guy used to have some standards?
• Fans of Jay Hernandez—what's a 'good', 'scary' movie these days without him?
• People who don't suffer from zemmiphobia or suriphobia
• People who known how to brandish a sledge hammer
• Anyone who wouldn't be bothered by this incongruity…if the power's out, how does the elevator run?
• People bothered by violent images, bloody messes, depictions of human carnage and so on

• People under the age of 17
• People that have just eaten a full meal, doused down with a super-size beverage, and complemented by a jumbo nacho with extra hot peppers [unless you promise to sit in the very front row with no one in front of you]
• People tired of the "Blair Witch Project effect"—basically to make a movie really, really, really scary, you film it such that it's from the perspective of one cameraman who's in the group with all of the requisite jostling, ultra-quick pans, and so on to the point of nearly making you nauseas before you get sick to your stomach from what's on screen
• Anyone who likes a movie that ends instead of one that just ends—if you know what I mean
• People who prefer their horror movies utilize a variety of scare tactics rather than just one--a nearly constant barrage of things jumping out at you from every unanticipated angle
• Those with severe cynophobia, claustrophobia, pathophobia, or especially, achluophobia
• People who saw the trailer, because the scariest and, perhaps, best moment of the movie is given away
• People who saw the film upon which Quarantine was based, Spanish director, Jaume Balagueró's [Rec]

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